Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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