did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize