Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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