As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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