just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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