vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
