i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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