Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
