May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
