We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
