After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
