I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
