I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
