Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
