Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
