Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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