My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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