My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
