I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My bed smells like the plague
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