You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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