I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
