We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
