you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
