Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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