We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
