Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
