Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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