I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
