I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
