i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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