it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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