just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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