Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
