smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
