Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
