apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
