OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
