I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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