As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
