I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
