drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize