there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
