can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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