fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
