Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
