Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sober January is a disaster.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
