Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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