Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
