I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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