what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
