Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
