he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
