theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
