I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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