So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
