those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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