you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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