Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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