i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
