First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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