I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
