so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
