In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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