Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
