i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
