I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
