did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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