we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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