guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
