idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize