I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
