I feel like abortions should bother me more
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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