i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
