there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
