Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
