every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
