What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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