just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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