Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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