I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In other news, I just burned my penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
