Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
