one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize