i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
