Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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