in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I party with great urgency now.
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