My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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